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Inner Critic Kryptonite: The Power of Fun

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Make Fun of it! : The Power of Fun

"Laughter isn't just the best medicine,

it's also the best Kryptonite"---Captain Creative

  

When I first started writing this article I was really excited. I was full of energy and my ideas were zinging happily. It didn't take long, though, until the zingy started to feel a little fluttery and I realized I was nervous.  

Not to be deterred, I kept on writing until the fluttery and zingy got jittery and moved up into my head, where they started whirring. That was when I realized that I was more than nervous, I was worried!--What would I say? Would anyone read it? Would they like it? This felt decidedly more jittery and frazzley than fun. But I wasn't about to let a little anxiety get the better of me, so I dutifully wrote on.

The Panic Button

Inner Critics love the Panic Button

Then a smarmy little voice inside me whispered the final blow,What if it's so bad that everyone disowns you? Wincing, I thought of the embarrassed smiles and averted eyes. An irrational terror gripped me: my heart raced, my lungs choked, and my heart seized. I could no longer deny it; I was in full panic attack!

I made the split-second decision to cut my losses, save myself, and retreat to fight another day. I ditched the toxic article with a casual quip, It wasn't much fun anyway. No one will notice if I don't do a newsletter this month...

Captain Creative to the Rescue

Hey.... Wait a minute.... I thought. Even as my pulse calmed, my breathing slowed, and my wits returned, I smelled a rat. Hmmm....Even the relief washing over me felt fake. This whole zingy-to-fluttery-to-jittery-to-frazzley-to-panic-to-retreat thing feels awfully familiar.... I thought to myself, eyes narrowing suspiciously. Where have I seen this before?....

Suddenly Captain Creative's voice chimed in from behind me " Never fear, Captain Creative is here! This sounds like a job for....

Inner Critic Kryptonite!

...faster than a speeding doubt,

...able to leap creative blocks in a single bound,

...more powerful than your Inner Critic!

It's Inner Critic Kryptonite!

Of course! It was my Inner Critic! I'd know that evil saboteur anywhere. It was true. I'd been hijacked by my Inner Critic. Once he pressed the panic button, my article had somehow become a life-or-death emergency!

The Fun Gun       

"Thank Goodness you're here Captain Creative!" I sighed. She just smiled and pushed her bag of Kryptonites towards me, saying, "Go fish."

I reached into her Inner-Critic-busting toolbag and pulled out a ...pink plastic water pistol ?!?...I gingerly pulled the trigger and a little flag unfurled with "Splat!" written on it.

"Oh, goodie! It's the Fun Gun!" Captain Creative beamed, ignoring my bewildered--and very underwhelmed--look.

"The ....uh...Fun Gun?" I asked, chucking the silly pink gun on the table. "Are you serious, Captain Creative? How can fun be a Kryptonite? I felt like I was fighting for my life back there. A little toy gun isn't going to make a dent in that big bad boy Inner Critic of mine."  

Captain Creative looked me sternly in the eye and spoke with the most serious voice I'd ever heard her use: "NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF FUN!" Then her serious face evaporated as quickly as it had come  "All kidding aside," she laughed, "Trust me, fun really is one of the most powerful Kryptonites! That toy gun may not look like much, but your Inner Critic's Panic button is no match for the Fun Gun!"

"What happened back there?" I demanded. "And how can I make sure it never happens again?"  

Oxygen to the Brain 

"Well," smiled Captain Creative, "I can't promise it'll never happen again--not as long as you keep taking creative risks like putting your writing on the page and out in the world." Unfased by my look of disappointment, she went on, " But I am here to help. First things first:  take a deep breath and calm down. Oxygen to the brain is always a good thing. Ok, now, let me explain what's going on. Once you understand that, I can teach you how to tame that Inner Critic of yours, so he won't freak out and shut you down next time you sit down to write."

"Ok," I said, breathing deeply. "I'm all ears."

Captain Creative began, "Your Inner Critic is like a big, dumb body guard or an over-protective mother; he just wants to keep you safe at all costs. The trouble is he can't tell the difference between creative writing and a life-or-death emergency."

Get real with a saber-toothed tiger check

Saber-toothed Tiger Check

"It's really no wonder that your Inner Critic is a drama queen," she went on. "It makes perfect sense when you realize that he's basically the voice of your reptilian survival brain. That's the area responsible for saving your life--if you're a caveman with a saber-tooth tiger is chasing you down."

Now, Katherine," she whispered conspiratorialy." Look closely: Are there any saber-toothed tigers in the room?"

"No," I nodded.

"Have you seen a saber-toothed tiger this morning?" she asked. 

"No," I nodded again.

Have you ever seen a saber tooth tiger?" she pressed.

"No," I  laughed.

"Of course not. They're extinct--along with 99% of the life-or-death threats that your survival brain was designed to protect you from!"

"That makes sense, Captain Creative," I chuckled. "but why does my Inner Critic do this? Why does he get all hot and bothered when I'm writing? "

"Great question." she said, "First of all, he can't tell the difference between a creative risk and a saber-toothed tiger. Second of all, your Inner Critic is bored. With no saber-tooth tigers to protect you from, he tries to make himself useful by defending you from your dreams instead. You can hardly blame him for exaggerating the risks of creative writing and public speaking. He's so used to living in a state of emergency, he's grown to like it. Besides, it makes him feel useful. And most importantly, it keeps him in control of your life so he can keep you safe from disappointment, embarrassment and saber-toothed tigers. If you're going to let him 'drive the bus' you've got to accept that he's going to have his finger on the panic button the whole time."

"No thank you!" I declared." I want more peace and quiet in my life. I'm tired of his roller-coaster adrenaline ride. How can I get him out of the driver's seat?"

"Start by taking a deep breath to get some oxygen to your brain. Then do a saber-toothed tiger check. Ask yourself: Is my life truly in peril?

• If yes--let your Inner Critic save you
•  If no--send Inner Critic back to bed."

Flip Your Fear

"Okay, I get it Captain Creative. But even if there's no saber-tooth tiger, it still feels like there is." What do I do if I've already been hijacked by my Inner Critic?"

"Then it's time to use the Fun gun!"  she beamed.

"How does it work?" I asked.

"Picture your Inner Critic as the ultimate bad guy, complete with a dastardly costume, an evil plan, and menacing henchmen. Got that picture in mind? Good....Now aim the fun gun at him and make him wear a tutu! Ta-dah! The Fun gun strikes again!"

I chuckled as Captain Creative went on, "You can also use the fun gun to do a spoof of whoever or whatever is pushing the panic button. Your article, for example. Create a new document on our computer called article.spoof and make it as silly, goofy, and cheesy as you can. You can even spoof your Inner Critic's paranoid delusions. That never fails to takes the fear out of his sails! If you let yourself 'warm up' with a spoof or an intentionally crummy first draft, you'll find it's ten times easier to write the real thing."

I looked at the fun gun with new respect, "But what if I'm so panicked I forget to use the fun gun?"  

"Another great question," Captain Creative said. "Well, experienced Inner Critic wranglers use the fun gun every day. They practice finding the fun in whatever they are doing so laughing in the face of fear becomes second nature. Not only do they get really good at taming their Inner Critics, but their lives are a blast too!"

Find the Fun

Captain Creative went on enthusiastically, "When you stop looking for fun to come from someone or somewhere else, you take back control of your own life. No more waiting for other people to get with the program and make you happy. Remember, we don't see the world the way it is, but the way we are. If you look for fun, you'll find it!" she beamed.

"That's easy for you to say, Captain Creative," I whined. "You're a super-hero! How do I find the fun in my busy, stressful life?"

"Being a super-hero isn't all fun and games, you know," she winked. "But seriously, finding the fun in your life is not as hard as it sounds. It's just a matter of changing your perspective. Close your eyes and think back to when you were six years old--what did you love? What made you smile?... giggle? ...laugh? Take a minute and really feel what it was like to see every day as an adventure. Good. Now try imaging your six-year-old self teleported back into your grown-up body. How would she make writing your article more fun?"

"Hmmm," I mused, "I suppose we could write it with colored markers, or put on a funny hat. We could  even write it in a tent in the backyard," I said, warming up to this, "with a cupcake and a nap afterwards!"

"Excellent! I knew you could do it!" Captain Creative cheered as she turned towards the door.  "Oh, and remember-- just like medicine--fun is best taken daily!" Suddenly I was alone again as Captain Creative's dashed off to save the day for some other hijacked Creative Spark.

Take Two

With my trusty fun gun by my side, I was ready to try again. I took a deep breath, put my silly hat on, and did a quick saber-tooth tiger check. Then I warmed up with a little spoof of this article (hosted by my Inner Critic wearing a tutu.) I was laughing so hard by the time I was done, that I completely forgot what anyone would think of my writing. And as you can see, I finished my article and have sent it out into the world!

Your Turn  

If my inner six-year-old can do it, so can you! Think of one project your Inner Critic has shut you down on--maybe a painting, a poem, or a new journal. Try the fun gun out for yourself:

1. Take a deep breath
2. Do a saber-toothed-tiger check
3. Flip your fear
4. Find the fun!

Let me how the fun gun works for you (and what your Inner Critic looks like in a tutu!) Post your comments below:

Tiny Creative Act: Doodle With Leaves

F.U.N. If you spell it, it will come!

Remember: Tiny Creative Acts don't need to take a lot of time, skill, or expensive materials. Doodling with whatever is at hand (like oak leaves arranged on my journal cover) can be so F.U.N!

What Tiny Creative Acts are you inspired to do? Leaf your favorite ones here: (pun intended.)

Little Journal Pages

Your Journal doesn't have to be big or take a long time

When I'm out and about (or short on time) I often use the little "back-up" journals I keep in my purse and in my car. An Inner Critic--the self-proclaimed journal police-- might claim that little pages don't count, but it's not true. What "counts" is up to you!

The other day I had just fifteen minutes before volunteering at my children's school, and I wanted my pages done so I could jump right into other writing later. I did three or four "little pages", and voila'! 

I usually  paste them into my "big" journal later, because I like to have all my pages in chronological order. But even when I don't, just the act of stopping to do them changes my whole day.


Where and when do you do "little pages"? Post your comments here:

Mindful Minute

Mindful Minute: Take 10 minutes to answer these 6 self-coaching prompts to ground and center yourself, so you can launch your day with mindfulness, purpose and gratitude.

Gratitude: List one thing you're grateful for

Intention: How do you want to be today? Focused? Spontaneous? Light?

 Priorities: What are the 3 most important things your want to do today?

 Progress: What progress, however small, have you already made towards your goals?

 Opportunity: Every day can be an opportunity: What's yours today?

 Request: Ask for what you need--from yourself, your family and the universe!

Let me know how your days are when you take a minute to get mindful! Post your stories as a comment below:

Go Write Past It!: The Power of Journaling

Go Write Past it! : The Power of Journaling  

"Keeping your Inner Critic under wraps

does not keep him under control,

it keeps him in control!"---Captain Creative

 

Your Inner Critic loves nothing more than to keep your fears larger than life and stuck in your head. That's because keeping you ignorant of your dreams, desires, and inner power keeps him comfortably in control of your life.

Go Write Past it! is the Kryptonite that ousts your Inner Critic and restores sovereignty to your Inner Hero--first and foremost by getting to know that amazing person--the one you've forgotten you are!

Not every day of your journaling practice will be earth-shattering or even memorable. In fact, most of them won't be. However, simply by stopping to do your pages each day, you create space for that possibility. I'm talking about the possibility of passion, joy, forgiveness, creativity, laughter and all the other fruits of a deeply loving and authentic relationship--the one you have with yourself!

It's no accident that the people who know you the best and love you the most are the ones that you see everyday. Simply put, if you want to have more than just a long-distance relationship with yourself, you've got to start showing up regularly. A daily journaling practice is one of the easiest and most effective ways to simultaneously spark your creativity, put you back into your life, and kick your Inner Critic out!

  



Collage your life's memorabilia into your journal

 Don't Repress, Express!

Like a child wanting the attention of his mother, your thoughts and emotions won't stop tugging at you until they are heard. Ignore them at your peril!

Repressed inner voices don't disappear--oh no! Instead, they throw tantrums and, if regularly shunned, turn into self-sabotaging Inner Critics!

Writing down your wants, needs and doubts--whatever is demanding your attention--simultaneously does two critical things: it acknowledges them and relives them of the burden of trying to get your attention.

So quit berating yourself for eating ice cream in front of the TV rather than painting--instead pull out your journal and write down the voices you've been ignoring. Simply validating the committee in your head is often all it takes to get them shut up long enough for you to set down the spoon, get off the couch, and get back to your easel!

 

Objectify Your Fears

Getting what's in your head down on paper objectifies it--literally pulling  it out of the ether and into an object you can look at--more, well, objectively! Writing down your fears, no matter how terrifying they feel, inevitably makes them smaller. Whatever you're afraid to feel, express or do, write it down, let it out, and you can begin to let it go--along with of the vice-grip your Inner Critic holds on your heart!

Don't limit yourself! Think (and doodle) outside the box!

  

Expanding your journaling practice beyond just writing opens up incredible avenues for fun, expression, and self discovery.

Inner Critic Alert: you'll need to give yourself permission to play! Without your snooty Inner Art Critic peering over your shoulder, you can doodle, color, finger-paint, or do whatever strikes your inner hero's fancy.

Unlock the Playroom



Give yourself a little kindergarten every day and your creativity will get stronger, braver, and more present in your life. Visual journaling gives you back what we usually only afford young children: an unconditionally loving playroom for your creativity to emerge.



Who says you have to write in a journal?



Come as You Are

There is huge value in just doing "your pages" even when you think you don't have time, don't feel inspired, and think you have nothing to say.

Resist the urge to make your journaling a big deal. Ask yourself instead "What you can I do in five or ten minutes that's meaningful to me?"

If nothing else, you can brainstorm ways to give yourself more time tomorrow. Or you can take 10 minutes to do the Mindfulness Journal exercise below. It's short, sweet, and has the power to change your whole day! 

Just Do It!

Get yourself a blank book today (or dust one off from the shelf) and fill three pages--in any way you want. Come back tomorrow and do it again. Rinse and Repeat!

For journaling inspiration check out Journal Juice on my blog

How has journaling helped you outwit your Inner Critc? share your succees stories by commenting below.

Anticipate it!: The Power of Foresight

I have a time machine in my garage. This unassuming white box allows me to capture the fruit of my labor and send those gifts forward in time to a night when I am tired, hungry and in need of a dinner miracle.

I'm so inspired by my freezer's capacity for time travel that I've incorporated similar principles into my coaching and my own life. I have learned to create, store and re-deliver tiny "care packages" of advice and encouragement to myself when I'll need them most.

I've discovered that in my darkest hour, it can be just as miraculous to retrieve a precious nugget of wisdom from my calendar as to defrost a tray of homemade enchiladas from my freezer.Not only does this approach allow you to be your own best friend in a really cool way, but it's also deliciously clever Inner Critic Kryptonite.

Anticipate it! is the Kryptonite that teaches you to predict what will sabotage you, then apply this foresight to send yourself just what you'll need to sail past those difficulties when the time comes. Anticipate it! works because it gives you back the clarity and resourcefulness your Inner Critic is so intent on hiding from you. Your Inner Critic would much rather have you running around like a headless chicken, too busy putting out his fires to realize that you can fire him!

Spring the Trap

Your Inner Critic is the keeper of the status quo. To him, all change is risky, and risks are to be avoided at all costs--especially any risk of failure or disappointment. He tries to stop you from taking these perilous personal and professional risks through a whole mess of sneaky tactics from guilt and shame to fear and procrastination.

When you start to observe it, you'll notice that your Inner Critic's resistance is quite predictable. A classic trap he lays is to throw a huge fit of dooms-daying and nay-saying on the eve of an important endeavor in the hopes you'll be too spooked to even start. What he doesn't want you to know is that there is a direct relationship between his drama-queen antics and the importance the project has to you-not any external measure of true "riskiness"!

When you can anticipate this opening act, it's possible to call his bluff, take charge of the situation and move on with your plan unfazed. See the "Note to self" exercise below to help you remember this when his pre-project panic reaches a fever pitch!

Re-frame Self-Doubt

You can further set yourself up for success by changing your perspective on what self-doubt indicates. An attack of self-doubt in the middle of a project is very often the emotional marker that you are actually heading into the home stretch, poised for success.

This is because it's the last chance your Inner Critic has to stop you before you see the finish line over the next hill. Midwives have known this for years--when a laboring mother yells "I give up! I can't do this anymore!" the midwife knows it's time to scrub up and get ready to catch the baby.

So when your darkest hour comes, don't despair--and whatever you do, don't take self-doubt literally! Instead, turn your Inner Critic's last ditch effort to sabotage you into a loving reminder to reach for (or improvise) your care package--the sage advice and extra support you need to make it through the final hurdles and finish strong.

Be Your Own Best Friend

Part of the magic of Anticipate it! is the degree of separation it gives you from your own advice through the time travel process. My frozen and re-heated enchiladas always tastes better the second time because it feels like someone else made them for me. So too, is it easier to hear the wisdom you send yourself in a care package, because it feels like it's from someone else. Anticipate it! creates the illusion of accessing a trusted external mentor. Since you're more likely to act on someone else's advice and encouragement than take your own, use this to your advantage and you can become your own best friend and cheerleader.

Stock the Freezer

Lose your gem of wisdom? Drop the ball again? Instead of kicking yourself for forgetting, just take a minute to capture the lesson and make yourself a care package for next time. If you needed this advice now, chances are that you'll need it again soon. Anticipate it! is about learning and progress, not perfection. Life is cyclical and offers abundant opportunities to try, fail, learn, retry, and ultimately succeed. Contrary to what your Inner Critic tells you there are few "do or die," once-in-a-lifetime opportunities--or rather, they all are, but most of them come right back over and over!

Take some time every week, month or when seasonal challenges arise to anticipate how you typically self-sabotage and decide what you would rather do instead. You can start stocking the freezer right away by creating a mini "care package" in the Note to Self exercise below. These four simple steps can make the difference between repeating the same mistakes over and over and learning to succeed.

Try This At Home: Note to Self

Pause: Set aside 15 minutes to do this exercise now.

Reflect: Look back at your week. What patterns do you see? What lessons?

Capture: Find one nugget of wisdom that would have changed things for the better and write that advice on a note to yourself.

Catalog: Place this Note to Self where it will find you the next time you need it--foiling your Inner Critic's plot to hide it from you when you'll need it most!





What are your typical moments of self-doubt? What are your favorite "care-packages" to yourself? Share yours by commenting below!

ITALIAN TINY CREATIVE ACT

photograph of the castle on the hill....buona note a tutti!

Inner Critic Hall of Fame: Miss Originality

    

Miss Originality Doll 

Name: Miss Originality

Wanted For: Being possessive, judgmental, snide, and suspicious, not to mention her obsession that everything be utterly original. And have I mentioned her aversion to repetition or routine?

M.O: Shutting down any idea sparked from someone else. Hoarding ideas, resources, time, and space. Demanding novelty at all costs..."You've made that for dinner before...you can't make it again!"

Classic Lines: 

"Copycat!"

"That's been done before."

"That's wasn't really your idea..."

"Save your best for when you've made it big!"

"Repeating yourself is pathetic--unless you're a toddler or a drooling old geezer"

Evil Plan: Never copy anyone or anything!! Keep anyone from stealing my few, precious original ideas--even if it means locking them away in a tower forever!

Miss Originality is the most recent arrival in the illustrious posse of my Inner Critics. She showed up while I was teaching my last session of Your Creative Life. I was coaching a student through naming and taming her Inner Critic before making an Inner Critic "voodoo doll". During our work, I heard a screechy preachy little Inner Critic voice in my own head. 

I choose not to listen at that time, but I stayed after class and started building my own voodoo doll. Choosing from all the supplies laid out for the workshop, my creation came to life. Miss Originality arrived in her bony skeletal splendor. I hadn't even thought about why I was drawn to making her a skeleton, but upon reflection it made perfect sense.

She's starving because she rejects anything that isn't utterly original and therefore takes in nothing. Feeding only on herself, she is skin and bones!  Once I could hold her and understand her fear, I had so much compassion for her that I actually embraced the doll! Through this exercise I exposed one of the unconscious beliefs that was running my life.

BELIEF: Inspiration from others doesn't count as original. 

This belief was very isolating and acknowledging it very freeing. She still shows up surprisingly and frequently through my day. The difference now, is that she doesn't run my life from the shadows anymore. I acknowledge and validate her fears (You're really worried. You think that if I publish this great blog post, I'll be wasted it because I can never use it in a book). And then I go on with my day and post anyway! 

Want to name and tame your Inner Critic? 

Come do it with Captain Creative in person at my Your Creative Life Class. Click HERE.

Big Bad Inner Critic? If you've got a really ornery Inner Critic, I'd love to help you in person--I specialize in exorcising Inner Critics for coaching clients. Contact me for private Inner Critic wrangling. 

Sample Inner Critic Profile From My Workbook. 

ITALIAN TINY CREATIVE ACT SCAVENGER HUNT!

I will be going on my yearly trip to Italy soon, and I'm feeling FUN. Follow my blog mycreativelifespark.blogspot.com and keep an eye out for my first Italian Tiny Creative Act Post. The first person to comment on that post gets a special Italian surprise mailed to them when I get back! Yes Snail Mail! When you post to the blog also email the post to me at katherine@creativelifespark.com.  Yeah!

Guerrilla Journaling

Don’t think you have to always be alone or at home when you journal. As you are out and about this summer--whether its around the corner or around the world--take your journal with you! Throw your stuff in a bag and you can take your journal practice anywhere. I recommend having a dedicated journal bag with all your stuff for spontaneous outings.

I've always loved "guerrilla" sketching--drawing people out in public places without them even knowing it.You can do this in a coffee shop, on a park bench, and even at the movies. (Yes! You can draw the people in the row in front of you, do quick gestures of film characters, or just make inspired doodles. This works especially well with animated movies.)



Guerrilla Journaling: People to sketch are all around you!



I even took my journal to my own group coaching meeting the other night. (my turn to get coached, not be the coach). I had plenty of time while each person talked to sketch them.

Since everyone sat relatively still for a while I had time to get more details of fabric and faces than I usually can in a guerrilla sketch.

I love words as much as pictures--and combining the two the best of all. So I just added important words from the conversation that resonated with me right into the drawing as they came up.

Where do you like to do guerrilla journaling? What are the delights and pitfalls you have found? Share your experiences in a comment below.

Journal Cover: Florentine Paper Travel Journal

Normally I like hard cover journals, but when I travel I like soft covers because they are lighter -- like this moleskine. I made this cover at one of my Creative Sparks Gathering in 2009. I was teaching people about collage and started using my journal as an example.  I choose a pile of Italian papers (because this was to be my Italian Journal). On their own each paper was too strong. I wanted to find a way to add them to the collage without any one pattern taking over the journal. I just started tearing the papers and sticking them on. I like tearing as a collage technique because it's spontaneous, freeing, and my inner toddler loves the sound of ripping paper! Later while traveling in Italy, I cut out the windows. 

This summer while you are traveling (or dreaming of traveling), how can you bring that feeling of ease, fun, and adventure into your journal? Your cover is a great place to start and showcase your intention! 

Check out my Journal Juice Gallery for Ideas. 

Birthday Blog: The Gift of Receiving

I used to be shy about my birthday.

I've even thrown a few big parties over the years and not told anyone until I brought out the cake. I  worried that people would feel obliged to bring gifts.

I feared it would seem greedy for an adult to do anything but include "no gifts" on a birthday invitation-- which I couldn't bring myself to write because of course I love birthday presents! ( as long as you don't give them out of obligation.)
That all changed last year when one of my mentors and favorite people, the daring and delightful Dr Deb Kern, made a big deal out of her birthday. She held a special Daring Divas dance class, and asked everyone to contribute to the music play list and a group project about visions for her future. 

We started class with a gratitude circle. One by one, over 30 women expressed their thanks for all Dr. Deb had done for them. The air was electric. The gratitude was palpable.

Dr Deb revealed that it made her gut churn to stand and receive so much. This tidal wave of love was triggering limiting beliefs that urged her to turn away from or deflect all that praise: fears of "taking too much","hogging the spotlight", "being self-centered","not deserving it" or just that something terrible would happen to her.

But Dr Deb stood her ground as wave after wave of love crashed around her. She was stretching herself on purpose. She is one wise and empowered woman-- a woman who knows that her ability to succeed is limited only by her ability to receive.


I was so thrilled by her experiment that I immediately started one of my own. As soon as it was my turn to speak, I imagined myself receiving the very appreciation that I was giving to Dr Deb. I did the same with every other gratitude expressed around the circle. I, too, felt the churning in my gut. I, too, heard my Inner Critic (Miss Humility) fear and fret. But I held my ground. I stretched. I continued to let the love in.



Love from my creative wonder twin Donna Klein



I felt so full that I practically beamed through the rest of class. And for the rest of my day, I couldn't help but pour out sincere appreciation to everyone I encountered--from my kids to the guy who carried out my groceries. Miss Humility's lie was officially busted: Receiving love did not steal from others! No! On the contrary, it was the greatest gift I could give the world.

So it's my birthday and I'm not being shy about it this year!

It's my first year to get a wave of facebook birthday wishes--from old friends and new--and I've been holding my ground and opening myself up to receive it all. Thank you everyone!

Your turn: Will you accept the gift of receiving?  If you haven't already, wish me "Happy Birthday" and really hear it for yourself at the same time. Celebrate the day you were born into this world, at the same time that you celebrate the day I was. How does it feel to stretch your capacity to receive?

 Adventure Club: for the whole week, practice receiving every compliment, gratitude, or endearment you utter to another. Acknowledge and reassure any Inner Critics that come up.  "Oh, that's you, Miss Humility, worrying about me being rejected for taking too much. Thanks for your concern, but I've got this one covered. Why don't you take a few days off? Enjoy! You deserve it! I'll let you know if I need you later."

Comment on my blog what it was like, what your Inner Critic said, what you said back, and what happened in your life when you gave yourself the gift of receiving.

oh, and Happy Birthday to you!

Where to Journal?

Do you have a special place you journal? Do you like to journal in public? In your room? In the park? On the moon?

Share your journaling hot spots by commenting.

My favorite place to journal is in bed on a Saturday morning.....

What Kind of Mother?

I've worked with many a Closet Creative who is a mother. Her greatest fear is that choosing her own path amounts to abandoning her children. By moving forward despite her fear and claiming her own dreams anyway, there always comes an incredible moment of epiphany.

She gleefully celebrates a first poem or a new blog and I ask her what kind of mother does that? And she suddenly really gets it-- that her fear is a lie: Her courage and passion is, of course, actually a gift to her children. Not only does it not make her a terrible mother--on the contrary she is a better mother because of it--more present, more real, more alive.

I'm working on a song with Tricia Mitchell about this very thing-- called What Kind of  Mother.
Here's a preview, in celebration of Mother's Day

What Kind of Mother

What kind of mother would choose to follow her dreams?

To make time for herself, her own needs?

What kind of mother follows her path

What kind of mother does that?

A generous mother who gives without guilt

A authentic mother whose children claim their own dreams

A courageous mother whose kids find their own strength

A trusting mother whose children believe in themselves

An independent mother whose kids grow up strong and assured

A passionate mother whose daughters will have a life of their own

A empowered mother whose sons will marry women like her

Happy Mother's Day!

Inner Critic Kryptonite: The Power of Your Tribe

Inner Critic Kryptonite: Gang Up on it!
The Power of Your Tribe 

  

"We live in a world that is toxic to art. A remarkable number of toxic myths about artists flourish. In addition to purportedly being broke, irresponsible, drug riddled and crazy, artists are also deemed selfish, out of touch with reality, megalomaniacs, tyrants, depressives and, above all, people who want to be left alone."

 --Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way

Last week I actually met a sculptor who just wanted to be left alone, but personally, I can't think of a worse fate. My students and clients agree. Most long to find their creative tribe--other Creative Sparks like themselves to learn from, work with, and just be around. This healthy longing is also highly effective Inner Critic Kryptonite. Do you remember your Inner Critic? That stingy voice in your head that always has a (negative) opinion to share? Yup, that's the one!

Isolation serves your Inner Critic

One of your Inner Critic's favorite tricks is isolation. When you're all alone in your creative endeavors, there is a lot more room for him to have your ear and run the show. The more encouraging and successful people you have in your life, the less likely you are to listen to your Inner Critic and the less influence he'll have over your thoughts, emotions and actions. You will have more passion, productivity and joy in your life in addition to less procrastination and self-doubt.

You need what you need 

In our "Lone Ranger" culture of almost compulsive independence, it's easy for your inner (and outer!) critics to shame you into feeling inadequate at your need for validation and support. I've felt compelled to "fix" this "character flaw" for most of my life--with nothing to show for it but frustration and failure to express my true self.

Take it from me and do what I do now: instead of trying to change yourself to suit other people, focus your energy on changing your environment to suit you. If you come from a family of Lone Rangers, and you need support, get support! Here's how....

Finding your tribe

Your tribe is the group of people who resonate with you or just "get" you and what you're into. You know a person or group is right for you if they fill you with energy and inspiration. Plugging into your tribe gives you huge validation and offers opportunities for support, learning, shared resources, and collaboration--all of which keep you energized and productive and your Inner Critic at bay.

How do you find your tribe? If you're very isolated or your Inner Critic is running the show, this may seem an impossibly large and difficult task. The good news is that there are as many ways to find and be with your tribe as there are people that need one. No matter what level of support you want, there is always one small step you can take. Here are a few ways to find your tribe:

         

• Join or start a club or group (meetup.com can be a good place to start)
• Work with a teacher, mentor, or life coach 
• Place or respond to a flyer at your favorite coffee shop or bookstore
• Ask a friend or classmate to be an accountability partner. You both commit to what you'll do and check in with each other regularly for encouragement and support.  
• Volunteer for people, places, or causes that inspire you
• Ask your friends and acquaintances. Not everyone will be helpful or interested, but you'll be surprised how many other people want the same thing you do.

The Right Tribe

As you reach out and seek your tribe, remember to stay true to yourself and your vision. Empowering tribe-mates encourage you to live your dreams, not theirs, and they can celebrate your successes irrespective of their own. Finding your tribe is a process that will change over time. Follow your instincts and trust yourself to know when and if it's time to shift alliances.

 Finding your tribe boils down to discovering, acknowledging and accepting who you are, asking for what you want, and letting your tribe in when they come knocking. The specific actions you take are less important than simply taking action. Ultimately your tribe will find you, if you just start looking--inside and out!

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I've got a Summer Coaching Group starting in June--that's an incredible way to find your tribe--and a coach all in one! Click HERE for more info.