Birthday Blog: The Gift of Receiving

I used to be shy about my birthday.

I've even thrown a few big parties over the years and not told anyone until I brought out the cake. I  worried that people would feel obliged to bring gifts.

I feared it would seem greedy for an adult to do anything but include "no gifts" on a birthday invitation-- which I couldn't bring myself to write because of course I love birthday presents! ( as long as you don't give them out of obligation.)
That all changed last year when one of my mentors and favorite people, the daring and delightful Dr Deb Kern, made a big deal out of her birthday. She held a special Daring Divas dance class, and asked everyone to contribute to the music play list and a group project about visions for her future. 

We started class with a gratitude circle. One by one, over 30 women expressed their thanks for all Dr. Deb had done for them. The air was electric. The gratitude was palpable.

Dr Deb revealed that it made her gut churn to stand and receive so much. This tidal wave of love was triggering limiting beliefs that urged her to turn away from or deflect all that praise: fears of "taking too much","hogging the spotlight", "being self-centered","not deserving it" or just that something terrible would happen to her.

But Dr Deb stood her ground as wave after wave of love crashed around her. She was stretching herself on purpose. She is one wise and empowered woman-- a woman who knows that her ability to succeed is limited only by her ability to receive.


I was so thrilled by her experiment that I immediately started one of my own. As soon as it was my turn to speak, I imagined myself receiving the very appreciation that I was giving to Dr Deb. I did the same with every other gratitude expressed around the circle. I, too, felt the churning in my gut. I, too, heard my Inner Critic (Miss Humility) fear and fret. But I held my ground. I stretched. I continued to let the love in.



Love from my creative wonder twin Donna Klein



I felt so full that I practically beamed through the rest of class. And for the rest of my day, I couldn't help but pour out sincere appreciation to everyone I encountered--from my kids to the guy who carried out my groceries. Miss Humility's lie was officially busted: Receiving love did not steal from others! No! On the contrary, it was the greatest gift I could give the world.

So it's my birthday and I'm not being shy about it this year!

It's my first year to get a wave of facebook birthday wishes--from old friends and new--and I've been holding my ground and opening myself up to receive it all. Thank you everyone!

Your turn: Will you accept the gift of receiving?  If you haven't already, wish me "Happy Birthday" and really hear it for yourself at the same time. Celebrate the day you were born into this world, at the same time that you celebrate the day I was. How does it feel to stretch your capacity to receive?

 Adventure Club: for the whole week, practice receiving every compliment, gratitude, or endearment you utter to another. Acknowledge and reassure any Inner Critics that come up.  "Oh, that's you, Miss Humility, worrying about me being rejected for taking too much. Thanks for your concern, but I've got this one covered. Why don't you take a few days off? Enjoy! You deserve it! I'll let you know if I need you later."

Comment on my blog what it was like, what your Inner Critic said, what you said back, and what happened in your life when you gave yourself the gift of receiving.

oh, and Happy Birthday to you!

Where to Journal?

Do you have a special place you journal? Do you like to journal in public? In your room? In the park? On the moon?

Share your journaling hot spots by commenting.

My favorite place to journal is in bed on a Saturday morning.....

What Kind of Mother?

I've worked with many a Closet Creative who is a mother. Her greatest fear is that choosing her own path amounts to abandoning her children. By moving forward despite her fear and claiming her own dreams anyway, there always comes an incredible moment of epiphany.

She gleefully celebrates a first poem or a new blog and I ask her what kind of mother does that? And she suddenly really gets it-- that her fear is a lie: Her courage and passion is, of course, actually a gift to her children. Not only does it not make her a terrible mother--on the contrary she is a better mother because of it--more present, more real, more alive.

I'm working on a song with Tricia Mitchell about this very thing-- called What Kind of  Mother.
Here's a preview, in celebration of Mother's Day

What Kind of Mother

What kind of mother would choose to follow her dreams?

To make time for herself, her own needs?

What kind of mother follows her path

What kind of mother does that?

A generous mother who gives without guilt

A authentic mother whose children claim their own dreams

A courageous mother whose kids find their own strength

A trusting mother whose children believe in themselves

An independent mother whose kids grow up strong and assured

A passionate mother whose daughters will have a life of their own

A empowered mother whose sons will marry women like her

Happy Mother's Day!

Inner Critic Kryptonite: The Power of Your Tribe

Inner Critic Kryptonite: Gang Up on it!
The Power of Your Tribe 

  

"We live in a world that is toxic to art. A remarkable number of toxic myths about artists flourish. In addition to purportedly being broke, irresponsible, drug riddled and crazy, artists are also deemed selfish, out of touch with reality, megalomaniacs, tyrants, depressives and, above all, people who want to be left alone."

 --Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way

Last week I actually met a sculptor who just wanted to be left alone, but personally, I can't think of a worse fate. My students and clients agree. Most long to find their creative tribe--other Creative Sparks like themselves to learn from, work with, and just be around. This healthy longing is also highly effective Inner Critic Kryptonite. Do you remember your Inner Critic? That stingy voice in your head that always has a (negative) opinion to share? Yup, that's the one!

Isolation serves your Inner Critic

One of your Inner Critic's favorite tricks is isolation. When you're all alone in your creative endeavors, there is a lot more room for him to have your ear and run the show. The more encouraging and successful people you have in your life, the less likely you are to listen to your Inner Critic and the less influence he'll have over your thoughts, emotions and actions. You will have more passion, productivity and joy in your life in addition to less procrastination and self-doubt.

You need what you need 

In our "Lone Ranger" culture of almost compulsive independence, it's easy for your inner (and outer!) critics to shame you into feeling inadequate at your need for validation and support. I've felt compelled to "fix" this "character flaw" for most of my life--with nothing to show for it but frustration and failure to express my true self.

Take it from me and do what I do now: instead of trying to change yourself to suit other people, focus your energy on changing your environment to suit you. If you come from a family of Lone Rangers, and you need support, get support! Here's how....

Finding your tribe

Your tribe is the group of people who resonate with you or just "get" you and what you're into. You know a person or group is right for you if they fill you with energy and inspiration. Plugging into your tribe gives you huge validation and offers opportunities for support, learning, shared resources, and collaboration--all of which keep you energized and productive and your Inner Critic at bay.

How do you find your tribe? If you're very isolated or your Inner Critic is running the show, this may seem an impossibly large and difficult task. The good news is that there are as many ways to find and be with your tribe as there are people that need one. No matter what level of support you want, there is always one small step you can take. Here are a few ways to find your tribe:

         

• Join or start a club or group (meetup.com can be a good place to start)
• Work with a teacher, mentor, or life coach 
• Place or respond to a flyer at your favorite coffee shop or bookstore
• Ask a friend or classmate to be an accountability partner. You both commit to what you'll do and check in with each other regularly for encouragement and support.  
• Volunteer for people, places, or causes that inspire you
• Ask your friends and acquaintances. Not everyone will be helpful or interested, but you'll be surprised how many other people want the same thing you do.

The Right Tribe

As you reach out and seek your tribe, remember to stay true to yourself and your vision. Empowering tribe-mates encourage you to live your dreams, not theirs, and they can celebrate your successes irrespective of their own. Finding your tribe is a process that will change over time. Follow your instincts and trust yourself to know when and if it's time to shift alliances.

 Finding your tribe boils down to discovering, acknowledging and accepting who you are, asking for what you want, and letting your tribe in when they come knocking. The specific actions you take are less important than simply taking action. Ultimately your tribe will find you, if you just start looking--inside and out!

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I've got a Summer Coaching Group starting in June--that's an incredible way to find your tribe--and a coach all in one! Click HERE for more info.